


New hope

by Vinushuka



Series: One year with Apocalyptica [16]
Category: Apocalyptica
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 01:34:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8037097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinushuka/pseuds/Vinushuka
Summary: While Apocalyptica enjoys the sunny beaches of Jamaica Anna concentrates on her Japanese studies and surviving Finnish winter. She finally gets Patrik as her study mate, but that's not enough for her. Patrik hears surprise news from Japan, news that bring new hope into his life. There's someone there that might be able to put and end to his miserable love with Eicca.





	1. New hope

## My new study companion (1)

I was probably much more nervous about the start of the spring semester of my Japanese studies than the beginning of the course previous autumn. At the time I’d had no expectations and it was a pleasant surprise to notice that I had a gorgeous young man with long hair as my class mate. Now that I had learned to know Patrik and had some common history with him things were different. During the autumn term he had mainly worked together with an Italian looking guy but as they sat in front of me and my pair we often teamed up forming a bigger group. I wanted desperately to have Patrik as my study companion but I didn’t have the courage to ask that from him.

      My stomach was churning of excitement when I took the lift to our classroom at the third floor of the institute. To my relief Patrik was already sitting on a bench in the corridor browsing his pad computer. When he noticed my entrance a wide smile spread on his face and he beckoned me to come over. My brain softened and I lost the touch to the surrounding world. I saw only him and his lovely smile. How did he manage to do that to me every time I saw him?

“Err, did your car start okay this morning?” I asked because the weather was freezing cold that day. His car was already old and it had locked him out in the cold just last week.

“No, it didn’t. I had to borrow my sister’s shopping bag. I think my car is done. I need a new one! Actually I just found here a nice second hand beauty”, he enthused and pushed his pad under my nose. The car was a black Audi A4 sedan.

“Looks handsome and expensive”, I commented. “You will look like a minister if you drive a thing like that.”

“Well, maybe not with this hair and I don’t have minister’s salary”, he snickered and put his pad away. “How are your kanji studies?” he asked.

“I’ve already studied the first one hundred. I took my new kanji book with me. You can take a look at it if you want”, I replied and tapped my bulky bag.

       When the previous lesson ended we lined up in front the class room to enter. Either my or Patrik’s previous pair was attending so it seemed that I would have him all to myself. I selected a table with two free seats and sat there. Patrik took the seat beside me like it would be the most natural thing to do. He was now my new study companion and I would never let him go if it depended on me.

I dug up the kanji book from my bag and handed it to Patrik.

“This looks really interesting”, he mumbled as he leafed through the book.

“Maybe you should buy one too”, I proposed. ”We could study together.” Our kanji studies in the institute wouldn’t begin until the next autumn so we would have a head start.

“Maybe”, he replied sounding a little hesitant.

I didn’t want to push him into anything so I let the matter rest and proceeded to something more important.

      I had bought Patrik a pendant and planned to give it to him as a birthday present but I didn’t have a chance to give it to him before his trip to Japan. “I have something for you…merry Christmas!” I told him and pushed the gift envelope into his hand. “It’s just a small pendant to protect you from evil kanji spirits. If you don’t like it you can give it your little sister.”

      Patrik seemed to be genuinely surprised that I was giving him something and for some reason he blushed. I had never seen him blush before so I was a bit alarmed. Had I done something inappropriate or was this too much after I had given him the CD last autumn?

      The arrival of our teacher interrupted the somehow awkward moment between us. “Thanks”, Patrik whispered and pushed the present into his briefcase. All I remember from our first lesson was that he was sitting so close to me that our arms touched all the time. Every time that happened I felt like electric current would have passed through my body. I also remember that I had to poke him in the ribs when he didn’t answer teacher’s question even though he knew the correct answer.

When the lesson ended I collected my courage and asked him the question that had bothered me since his arrival. “Did you contact the guy in Kanazawa? What was his name?”

“His name is Naoki Kobayashi. I sent him an e-mail thanking him for his support during my visit, but I haven’t heard anything from him after that”, Patrik replied and frowned.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Maybe he doesn’t know what to say to you.”

“Yeah, it’s not that important anymore now that I have Eicca back with me. I probably won’t see Naoki ever again.”

“I’m sorry to say but the Eicca’s situation hasn’t changed much since last autumn. His schedules during this year will be hideous. You’ll end up with a wrong end of the stick when it comes to spending time with him.  Your life with him or rather without him will be miserable. I will share your destiny with Perttu. He’s not going to be there for me either…”

“I know that, but I can’t help it. I just want him too much. If it kills me then it kills me. I don’t care.”

With this comment Patrik managed to shut me up. What more could I say? If he wanted to suffer then be it. The positive feelings that we had during the lesson had vanished into thin air and I felt discouraged and sad.

      When we entered the street he pointed with his car key to the parking lot. “There’s my shopping bag”, he said as the lights of a small silvery car flashed in the dark. “I will have to return it to my little sister tonight.” With that he waved his hand as goodbye and headed to the parking lot with long strides.

      Yeah, I had him as my study mate but that was about it. I wiped away a tear that had rolled on my cheek and hurried towards the bus stop to catch a bus to Espoo. I and Lumi needed a hot cup of tea and a good night’s sleep. Perttu was preparing for his trip to Miami and would fly there tomorrow. I had three weeks without him ahead of me…


	2. He's coming here!

## He’s coming here (2)

I was slightly surprised to find a message from Patrik in my cell phone on Tuesday morning.

“Thanks for the pendant, I will keep it. Can you send the details of the kanji book you showed me yesterday? I will order it this week.”

Yess! He was going to start his kanji studies too and hopefully with me.

      The day at the empty office was tedious. I had still some arrangements to make for the Apocalyptica PR-events in London and Paris but other than that I had taken care of all that was required of me. I headed home early while there was still some daylight left and went for a walk as the weather was slightly warmer than the day before. When I returned home the day was already getting dark and I felt slight nausea creeping into my belly. I needed my afternoon snack immediately.

      I brewed a cup of coffee, made a sandwich and sat down at the table to check my messages. I found again one from Patrik.

“He’s coming here!!!”

I didn’t understand at all what he meant and wrote him a short reply. “Who, when, why???”

Patrik replied immediately. “Naoki has asked for a transfer to Finland and our company has accepted that. He’s coming to Finland to work with our etching processes for a year.”

“Great! That guy seems to have more courage than you thought. When is he coming?”

“At the beginning of March. I’m so excited to have him here!”

I smiled to myself. Maybe Patrik wasn’t as eager to suffer with Eicca as he had led me to believe. He was having some hopes about this new relationship after all.

      I spent a quiet evening doing my Japanese homework and writing my diary. Perttu was on his way to Miami and didn’t expect to hear of him before next morning due to seven hour time difference. Yesterday’s discussion with Patrik had made me think about my future. Shadowmaker tours would continue till the end of 2016 when Lumi would be already one and a half years old. Besides I didn’t have any idea what would come after that. I definitely needed someone to take the father role while Perttu was away touring around the world.

      I would return from my maternity leave to my regular job in February 2016. If I would be wise I would interrupt my leave of absence and return to my regular job right away. I could still work couple of months before the start of my maternity leave and make my earnings bigger that way. In spite of the financial considerations I didn’t want to do that. I was now deeply involved with Apocalyptica and people working around it. They had become my family and the thought of leaving them behind felt impossible. Yes, I would take my chances and continue my work with Apocalyptica as long as it was possible. With that decision made I crawled into my warm bed trying to imagine Perttu playing with her little daughter and making funny faces when she tugged his long hair with her tiny hands.

      Perttu called me as I expected at seven o’clock next day. “Good morning and greetings from Miami! How was your first school day yesterday?”

“Great! Patrik is now my pair. I tried to persuade him to start kanji studies with me but his answer was a bit vague. How was your flight? Did you have a chance to talk with Eicca?”

“Direct flights are gorgeous, no lost luggage or problems of any kind. And yes, we talked during the flight. I had guessed right. Patrik is back in the picture. Eicca talked with him just a while ago during our dinner and now he seems to be very happy again.

“Patrik told me yesterday that they were back together. I tried to warn him about Eicca’s situation but he wouldn’t listen. He’s hopelessly in love.”

“I thought we had left this mess behind us but obviously that’s not the case.” Perttu sighed sounding discouraged.

“I’m sure everything will turn out right. Eicca will come to his senses and maybe Patrik too, when he bumps into the realities of Apocalyptica tour life.”

“I’m just waiting when you say you’ve had enough of Apocalyptica tour life”, Perttu whispered.

“Well, I thought about it last night.”

“And the conclusion was?” Perttu asked.

“We will find a way around minor complications like touring. You and I are going to have a daughter and that is all that matters.”

“You make everything sound so simple”, Perttu said with a smile in his voice.

“I love you”, I said smiling too.

        Before finishing our call we talked briefly about the coming Caribbean cruise and the wrap up of Shadowmaker album. I wished him a nice cruise and he promised to call me latest after the album pre-listening session. I was dying to hear how the album was received by fans. Judging by what I had heard of it the album was going to be magnificent.


	3. A friend in need

## A friend in need (3)

Perttu didn’t call me on Friday but instead he sent me several enthusiastic messages right after the pre-listening session and the pool deck show. He was all ecstatic about the reception of Shadowmaker. I sent him my congratulations and warm hugs from both of us. I was at that time already in bed and Lumi was having her evening exercise in my belly or maybe she was just excited about the Shadowmaker like her father.

      I was a little jealous when I saw the photos Perttu and Franky had posted on their Instagram accounts of their day off in Jamaica. The glistening sea and the sunny beaches were very far from the bitter cold of Finnish winter. I was curious about how things were going with Franky and Perttu so I decided to take a peek at them on Sunday morning. I found Perttu sleeping in his bunk and Franky in his. It was late Saturday night in Jamaica so I guess the guys were exhausted after all that swimming and sunbathing. I left them sleeping although I would have liked to kiss Perttu’s cheek as goodnight.

      I decided to try again later in the afternoon when it would be morning in Jamaica and I would probably find them awake. Oops! I did find them awake, very much so. Franky was fucking Perttu from behind in their bathroom and enjoying every second of it. I was dazed by the beauty and the contrast of that pair; Franky’s dark hair, brown skin and muscular body against Perttu’s blond hair, fair skin and slender being. I had been expecting that something would happen between them but this was far out even in my reckoning. They were lovers!

      My natural reaction to a scene like that was of course to be turned on. I left the guys to fuck and laid on my sofa to masturbate. I could see myself in the living room mirror wall working my way towards an orgasm I needed so badly. One of the peculiarities of my pregnancy was that I was horny most of the time. Maybe pregnancy affected the blood circulation around my sex and caused this phenomenon that was close to being a nuisance.

      I needed some company tonight so I tried to call Patrik first. When he didn’t answer I tried Kirsi. “I’m feeling lonely and needy now that Perttu is gone. Could you come and help me out?” I asked not bothering to wrap up my invitation into vague explanations. I wanted her to make love with me and that was it.

“Hmmm, sounds like a nice way to spend Sunday evening”, she murmured clearly excited about the idea.

“I can cook us something Italian”, I promised knowing she loved Italian food.

“Okay, you talked me into it. I’ll be there about six o’clock”, she laughed.

     Kirsi arrived as she had promised slightly after six. “Hi babe, you look flourishing!” she said and hugged me. She pushed me slightly further away from her to take a closer look and then pulled me again closer to kiss me. Her lips ignited my desires and our kiss turned quickly into fiery passion. “You sure know how to kiss” she breathed while drawing some breath between our kisses.

“I could say the same about you”, I told her and wound one of her red curls around my finger. “Besides, you’re beautiful”.

“I’m getting old and grumpy”, Kirsi complained. “Probably my hormones are going down the drain as we speak. I envy you and your pregnancy”, she whispered and rubbed my belly with her slender hand.

“I will do my best tonight to keep your hormones going”, I promised. She released me from her embrace to let me continue my cooking. I had promised Italian to her and that’s what she was going to get. I had stuffed two chicken breast with parmesan and I pushed them into the oven to bake them with hot tomato sauce. Together with pasta they would make a nice meal for us.

“I guess you know that Eicca and Patrik are back together?” Kirsi asked when we were finishing our dinner. “I was so pissed off when Eicca told me that he had gone to see Patrik after his arrival. Why couldn’t he just stay away from him?”

“Yes, Patrik told me about it last Monday. I’ve been trying to talk some sense into his head but he doesn’t want to listen. He’s obsessed with Eicca.”

“I tried the same with Eicca but without any success. I even threatened to leave him, but it didn’t do any good. He just stopped talking to me and was miserable. I don’t know what to do.”

“If I were you I would just wait and let the time take care of it. Eicca will be touring most of this year and Patrik may find someone else.“

“Do you have some inside information about that?” Kirsi asked looking curious.

“Let’s say that I have a hunch that something might happen, but I’m not an oracle.”

“Okay, I will take your advice. You have certain extra skills when it comes to having hunches”, Kirsi agreed. “But enough of Eicca and Patrik. Let’s do something else”, Kirsi changed the subject and gazed me with her bright blue eyes. We pushed the dishes into the dishwasher in a hurry and headed into my bedroom to do something else.

      Our evening had a perfect ending when we dived together into the world of sensuality and passion. We took our time to enjoy each other’s bodies to the full. Kirsi crawled on my face and offered her lovely sex for me to suck. She didn’t want to come yet so she continued down to my body dwelling long on my full breasts, belly and finally diving with her tongue inside the wet depths of my sex. I too wanted to prolong my orgasm to enjoy her lovemaking as long as possible. When she returned to kiss my face I could taste my saltiness on her lips. Kirsi’s lips caressed every part of my face, eyelids, ears, nose and forehead. Human face is one of the most erogenous areas of the body so the sensations almost made me come. “Oh please, I can’t take it anymore. Please suck me to kingdom come”, I begged her and she did. When I had reached my orgasm she crawled back on my face and I sucked her until she flipped over the edge.

     When we both were satisfied we rested for a while and then headed to the shower to freshen up. After that we just curled into each other’s arms and drifted into sleep. Kirsi woke me up a little later with a gentle kiss. “Sorry, but I can’t stay the night. Both the dinner and you were absolutely delicious. Call me if you need me again”, Kirsi whispered and stroke my cheek.

“Thanks for coming. You’re wonderful lover”, I mumbled half asleep. When Kirsi had dressed and shut the door quietly behind her I closed my eyes happy and contended. It was wonderful that I had a friend like her who could take care of my needs when my male companions were unavailable.


	4. Chapter 4

## Monday, Monday (4)

Most people hate Mondays but I didn’t.  I was eagerly waiting for our Japanese lesson when I had a chance to meet Patrik again and learn new and interesting things about Japanese language and culture.  After the first lesson had gone so nicely I was slightly concerned about this second one. Would our previous study mates turn up and what would happen then.

       On Monday morning I still had ahead of me a full working day when I would have to concentrate on the planning of Shadowmaker PR-events.  While enjoying my breakfast I was wondering how Perttu was doing on the cruise. I was about to give him a call when by phone buzzed.

“Good morning! How are things in Finland?” I heard Perttu’s soft voice in my ear.

“Not bad. Kirsi was having dinner here with me yesterday evening. I missed you and needed some company.”

“I’m sorry to be away all the time, but that’s how it is… Anyways I’m happy that our main concert today went well. Franky did a great job in stirring up the crowd with our old songs.”

“That’s good to hear. Has it been nice to have Franky as your cabin mate?”

“We’re having a great time together…Actually he kissed me this morning and then…I got carried away…” Perttu confessed.

“Oh, did you? How was it to get carried away with Franky?” The question slipped out of my mouth before I had time to consider it.

“What should I say…he fucked me and it was gorgeous…Are you sure you want to know all this?” Perttu asked.

“I think that’s enough for the time being. I’m getting turned on as we speak, so…”

“Hmm, you’re nowadays so passionate that it almost scares me”, Perttu smirked.

“Don’t worry. It will pass and I’ll be back to my grumpy old self. Are you happy now, no regrets or anything?”

“Absolutely no regrets, but I’m not expecting any big drama out of this. Sometimes things just happen…”

       I wasn’t very worried about this turn of events either as I had somehow foreseen that this would happen. Eicca’s and Perttu’s relationship had weathered all kinds of problems and Franky wasn’t the biggest of them. I wasn’t so sure how big a problem Patrik was. I was too much involved with him to be able to see things in right perspective.

\-----

      When I entered the institute lobby in the evening I recognized immediately my previous study mate Tiina. She was getting into the elevator together with Patrik and a dark haired woman I hadn’t seen before. I caught the elevator just before the doors closed and sighed of relief when I caught Patrik’s eyes. He said hi and flashed me a smile that turned my knees into jelly.

“Any luck with the new car yet?” I asked when we entered the corridor in the third floor.

“Not yet. I’m probably a bit too picky”, he replied.

      We remained standing in the corridor and talking this and that with Tiina and the newcomer while waiting for the previous lesson to end. It turned out that they were old friends so maybe I didn’t have to worry about her being offended by my pair selection. When we entered the classroom I sat down again with Patrik and Tiina and her companion settled behind us. Problem solved.

“Any news from Naoki since Tuesday?” I asked to see if Patrik still was excited about his arrival.

“Yes. He’s been asking me all kinds of questions about our weather, public transport and other practical aspects of everyday life. I tried to answer his questions but sometimes I don’t understand what he’s after. Maybe it’s the cultural difference.”

“Most likely so. Moving to a foreign country would scare the shit out of me. He’s a lucky guy to have you here to help him”, I replied feeling proud of the young man sitting beside me.

      We had to stop our discussion when our teacher arrived and wished us all good evening. This time she made us do a lot of team work and we spent most of our lesson with our chairs turned sideways to work with the women behind us. That was a bit complicated as Patrik had long legs and mine weren’t short either. Consequently we kept clashing our knees and feet into each other all the time. Finally Patrik gave me an amused look. ”We’ve got too many long legs here!” he remarked and tapped my knee.

      About at the middle of our lesson Patrik started to look like he was in pain and rubbed his back. “What’s wrong?” I finally asked.

“I had to push my car to start it this morning and I think I hurt my back in the process”, he replied and grimaced. My automatic reaction was to rub his back where the pain was but I stopped myself from doing that. If I started to rub his back in public my classmates would probably think that I was harassing the poor guy. So I just sat there my heart bleeding.

“I’m sorry to hear that. You should really get a new car before this old one kills you”, I commented genuinely worried about all the incident’s he had lately had with his car.

“You don’t say…I’m doing my best to find a new one but it’s not easy to find what I’m looking for at a decent price.”

      When the lesson ended he barely managed to get up from his chair and I felt an almost unbearable need to help him. “Are you sure you don’t want to show your back to a doctor?” I asked feeling helpless.

“Nah, I will just take some painkillers and it will be okay”, he replied and pushed his textbooks into his suitcase when he was up on his feet.

I had planned to ask him for a ride home but under these circumstances that didn’t seem like a good idea. The lift seemed to be stuck somewhere so we had to walk down the stairs. “I’m sorry but I will have to go to the toilet”, he told me when we got to the lobby.

“Okay, see you again next week”, I called after him and headed out to catch my buss. Why did I have to feel this miserable again?

      I had a hard time not to cry on the buss, but somehow I managed to do it. When I was at home I tossed my bag on the floor and slumped on the sofa. What the hell was I doing? I was hopelessly in love with a guy that was twenty years younger than me, a guy that didn’t even like women. Was I idiot or something? I burrowed my face in my hands and cried like a baby.

      A faint flutter in my belly reminded me that Patrik was going to be the Lumi’s godfather and I needed his support and friendship even if I couldn’t have his love. I should stop hankering over him and act like an adult. I blew my nose and gazed at my red-eyed reflection in the living room mirror. “You can do it”, I said to myself. “We can do it!”


End file.
